"There's a guy down at the end of the bar, who's furiously angry, hilarious funny, and has an Irish poet's talent for language. He's been traveling the country, and he's been alternately appalled and moved by what he's found there, and, lucky you, he wants to tell you all about it. Listen." -Peter Sagal, author of The Book of Vices
"There is only one Charles Pierce, and while that may be a good thing, it is a damn good thing we his unique combination of gonzo, erudition, fearlessness and eloquence to help us make sense of a senseless world. I stand in awe, and appreciation." --Eric Alterman, author of Why We're Liberals
"Pierce penetrates, and the world feels less idiotic already." --Roy Blount Jr., author of Alphabet Juice
Buy Now
Read the New York Observer's review of Idiot America
Follow Idiot America on Facebook
An Excerpt From Idiot America
Chapter One
The Prince of Cranks
Ralph Ketchum sits on the porch of his little house tucked away on a dirt lane that runs down toward a lake, pouring soda for his guest and listening to the thrum of the rain on his roof. He has been talking to a visitor about the great subject of his academic life --James Madison, the diminutive hypochondriac from Virginia who, in 1787, overthrew the U.S. government and did so simply by being smarter than everyone else. American popular history seems at this point to have devolved into a Founding Father of the Month Club, with several huge books on Alexander Hamilton selling briskly, an almost limitless fascination with Thomas Jefferson, a steady stream of folks spelunking through George Washington’s psyche, and an HBO project starring the Academy Award winner Paul Giamatti as that impossible old blatherskite John Adams. But Madison, it seems, has been abandoned by filmmakers and by the writers of lushly footnoted doorstops. He also was a mediocre president; this never translates well to the screen, where all presidents are great men.
“There are two things
that make Jefferson superior to Madison in the historical memory,” says
Ketchum. “One was Jefferson’s magnetism in small groups and the other was his
gift for the eloquent phrase. Madison has always been a trailer in that way
because, well, he writes perfectly well and, occasionally, manages some
eloquence. Occasionally.”
Madison was not a social lion. In large
gatherings, Ketchum writes, people often found him “stiff, reserved, cold, even
aloof and supercilious.” He relaxed only in small settings, among people he
knew, and while discussing issues of which he felt he had command. “He
therefore seldom made a good fi rst impression,” writes Ketchum, “seldom
overawed a legislative body at his fi rst appearance, and seldom fi gured in the
spicy or dramatic events of which gossip and headlines are made.” Madison
thought, is what he did, and thinking makes very bad television.
However, for all his shyness and lack of
inherent charisma, Madison did manage to woo and win Dolley Payne Todd, the
most eligible widow of the time. Ketchum points out that the Virginian came
calling having decked himself out in a new beaver hat. (The introductions were
made by none other than Aaron Burr, who certainly did get around. If you’re
keeping score, this means that Burr is responsible for the marriage of one of
the authors of the Federalist and the death of another, having
subsequently introduced Alexander Hamilton to a bullet in Weehawken.) “He did
win Dolley.” Ketchum smiles. “He had to have something going for him there.”
Ketchum’s fascination with Madison began in
graduate school at the University of Chicago. His mentor, the historian Stuart
Brown, encouraged Ketchum to do his doctoral dissertation on Madison’s
political philosophy. Ketchum fi nished the dissertation in 1956. He also spent
four years working as an editor of Madison’s papers at the University of
Chicago. He began work on his massive biography of Madison in the mid-1960s and
didn’t finish the book until 1971.
“Partly,” Ketchum
says, “the hook was through my mentor, Stuart Brown, and I think I absorbed his
enthusiasm, which was for the founding period in general. He said that he
thought Madison had been neglected--my wife calls him ‘the Charlie Brown of the
Founding Fathers’--and that he was more important, so that set me to work on
him.”
Madison was always the guy under the hood,
tinkering with the invention he’d helped to devise in Philadelphia, when he improved
the Articles of Confederation out of existence. “You can see that in the
correspondence between them”--Jefferson and Madison. “Madison was always toning
Jefferson down a little bit. Henry Clay said that Jefferson had more genius but
that Madison had better judgment--that Jefferson was more brilliant, but that
Madison was more profound.”
We are at a dead level time in the dreary
summer of 2007. A war of dubious origins and uncertain goals is dragging on despite
the fact that a full 70 percent of the people in the country don’t want it to
do so. Politics is beginning to gather itself into an election season in which
the price of a candidate’s haircuts will be as important for a time as his
position on the war. The country is entertained, but not engaged. It is
drowning in information and thirsty for knowledge. There have been seven years
of empty debate, of deliberate inexpertise, of abandoned rigor, of lazy, pulpy
tolerance for risible ideas simply because they sell, or because enough people
believe in them devoutly enough to raise a clamor that can be heard over the
deadening drone that suffuses everything else. The drift is as palpable as the
rain in the trees, and it comes from willful and deliberate neglect. Madison
believed in self-government in all things, not merely in our politics. He did
not believe in drift. “A popular government,” he famously wrote, “without
popular information, or the means of acquiring it, is but a prologue to a
tragedy or a Farce, or perhaps both.” The great flaw, of course, is that, even
given the means to acquire information, the people of the country may decline.
Drift is willed into being.
“I think we are
nowhere near the citizens he would want us to be,” Ketchum muses. “It was kind
of an idealism in Madison’s view that we can do better than that, but it
depends, fundamentally, on improving the quality of the parts, the citizens. I
think he would be very discouraged.”
Madison is an imperfect guide, as all of them
are, even the ones that have television movies made about them. When they
launched the country, they really had no idea where all they were doing might
lead. They launched more than a political experiment. They set free a spirit
by which every idea, no matter how howlingly mad, can be heard. There is more
than a little evidence that they meant this spirit to go far beyond the
political institutions of a free government. They saw Americans--white male
ones, anyway--as a different kind of people from any that had come before. They
believed that they had created a space of the mind as vast as the new continent
onto which fate, ambition, greed, and religious persecution had dropped them,
and just as wild. They managed to set freedom itself free.
Madison himself dropped a hint in Federalist
14. “Is it not the glory of the people of America,” he wrote, “that whilst
they have paid a decent regard to the opinions of former times and other
nations, they have not suffered a blind veneration for antiquity, for custom,
or for names, to overrule the suggestions of their own good sense, the
knowledge of their own situation, and the lessons of their own experience?”
Granted, he was at
the time arguing against the notion that a republic could not flourish if it got
too big or its population got too large. But you also can see in his question
the seedbed of a culture that inevitably would lead, not only to Abraham Lincoln
and Franklin Roosevelt and Ronald Reagan, but to William Faulkner, Jackson
Pollock, and Little Richard. A culture that moves and evolves and absorbs the
new. Experiment, the founders told us. There’s plenty of room here for new
ideas, and no idea is too crazy to be tested.
V V V
EARLY
on the sparkling morning, the golf carts, newly washed, sit gleaming in a row
along one side of the parking lot. There’s a faint and distant click, the sound
of the day’s first drives being launched down the shining fairways. Inside the
clubhouse of the small public course along Route 61 just outside Minneapolis,
two elderly gentlemen are just sitting down for breakfast when someone comes in
and asks them if they know how to get to the old lost town. They think for a
minute; then one of them rises and points out the window, past the dripping
golf carts and off down Route 61, where the winding road runs toward the Mississippi
River.
“As I recall,” he says, “when my grandfather
took me out there when I was a kid, it was down that way, right on the riverbank.
It’s all grown over now, though, I think.”
A dream lies buried in the lush growth that
has sprung up on the banks of the great river. In 1856, a dreamer built a city
here; the city failed, but the crank went on. He went into politics. He went
off to Congress. He came home and he farmed on what was left of the land from
his city, and he read. Oh, Lord, how he read. He read so much that he
rediscovered Atlantis. He read so much that he discovered how the earth was
formed of the cosmic deposits left by comets. He read so much that he found a
code in Shakespeare’s plays proving that their author was Francis Bacon. His
endless, grinding research was thorough, careful, and absolutely, utterly
wrong. “It is so oftentimes in this world,” he lamented to his diary in 1881,
“that it is not the philosophy that is at fault, but the facts.” They called
him the Prince of Cranks.
Ignatius Donnelly was born in Philadelphia, the son of a doctor
and a pawnbroker. He received a proper formal education, and after high school
found a job as a clerk in the law office of Benjamin Brewster. But the law
bored him. He felt a stirring in his literary soul; in 1850, his poem “The
Mourner’s Vision” was published. It’s a heartfelt, if substantially overcooked,
appeal to his countrymen to resist the repressive measures through which the
European governments had squashed the revolutions of 1848. Donnelly wrote:
O! Austria the vile and France the weak,
My curse be on ye like an autumn storm.
Dragging out teardrops on the pale year’s cheek,
adding fresh baseness to the twisting worm;
My curse be on ye like a mother’s, warm,
Red reeking with my dripping sin and shame;
May all my grief back turned to ye, deform
Your very broken image, and a name,
Be left ye which Hell’s friends shall hiss
and curse the
same.
As
one historian gently put it, the poem “was not critically acclaimed.”
Donnelly also involved himself in
Philadelphia’s various fraternal and professional organizations, as well as in
its tumultuous Democratic politics. By 1855, he’d developed a sufficient
reputation for oratory that he was chosen to deliver the Fourth of July address
at the local county Democratic convention in Independence Square.
However, for the
first--but far from the last--time in his life, Donnelly’s political gyroscope
now came peculiarly unstuck. Within a year of giving the address, he’d pulled
out of a race for the Pennsylvania state legislature and endorsed his putative
opponent, a Whig. The next year, he again declared himself a Democrat and threw
himself into James Buchanan’s presidential campaign. Buchanan got elected; not
long afterward, Donnelly announced that he was a Republican.
By now, too, he was chafing at the limits of
being merely one Philadelphia lawyer in a city of thousands of them, many of
whom had the built-in advantages of money and social connections that gave
them a permanent head start. He’d married Katherine McCaffrey, a young school
principal with a beautiful singing voice, in 1855. He wanted to be rich and
famous. Philadelphia seemed both too crowded a place to make a fortune and too
large a place in which to become famous. And, besides, his mother and his wife
hated each other. (They would not speak for almost fifteen years.) He was ready
to move. Not long after he was married, Donnelly met a man named John
Nininger, and Nininger had a proposition for him.
The country was in the middle of an
immigration boom as the revolutions of the 1840s threw thousands of farmers
from central Europe off their land and out of their countries. Nininger, who’d
made himself rich through real estate speculation in Minnesota, had bought for
a little less than $25,000 a parcel of land along a bend in the
Mississippi twenty-five miles south of
St. Paul. Nininger proposed that he himself handle the sale of the land, while
Donnelly, with his natural eloquence and boundless enthusiasm, would pitch the
project, now called Nininger, to newly arrived immigrants. Ignatius and Katherine
Donnelly moved to St. Paul, and he embarked on a sales campaign that was
notably vigorous even by the go-go
standards of the time.
“There will be in the
Fall of 1856 established in Philadelphia, New York, and other Eastern cities, a
great Emigration Association,” Donnelly wrote in the original Statement of
Organization for the city of Nininger. “Nininger City will be the depot in
which all the interests of this huge operation will centre.” Donnelly promised
that Nininger would feature both a ferry dock and a railroad link, making the
town the transportation hub between St. Paul and the rest of the Midwest. To
Nininger, farmers from the distant St. Croix valley would send their produce
for shipment to the wider world. Nininger would be a planned, scientific
community, a thoroughly modern frontier city.
“Western towns have heretofore grown by
chance,” Donnelly wrote, “Nininger will be the first to prove what combination
and concentrated effort can do to assist nature.”
Eventually, some five hundred people took him
up on it. In time, Nininger built a library and a music hall. Donnelly told
Katherine that he wasn’t sure what to do with himself now that he’d made his
fortune. In May 1856, he waxed lyrical to the Minnesota Historical Society
about the inexorable march of civilization and the role he had played in it. At
which point, approximately, the roof fell in.
It was the Panic of 1857 that did it. The Minnesota
land boom of the 1850s--of which Nininger was a perfect example--had been
financed by money borrowed from eastern speculators by the local banks. When
these loans were called in, the banks responded by calling in their own paper,
and an avalanche of foreclosures buried towns like Nininger. The panic also
scared the federal government out of the
land-grant business, which was crucial to the development of the smaller
railroads. When the Nininger and St. Peter Railroad Line failed, it not only
ended Nininger’s chance to be a rail hub but made plans for the Mississippi
ferry untenable as well.
Donnelly did all he
could to keep the dream alive. He offered to carry his neighbors’ mortgages for
them. He tried, vainly, to have Nininger declared the seat of Dakota County.
The town became something of a joke; one columnist in St. Paul claimed he would
sell his stock in the railroad for $4 even though it had cost him $5 to buy it.
Gradually, the people of Nininger moved on. Ignatius Donnelly, however, stayed.
In his big house, brooding over the collapse of his dream, he planned his next
move. He read widely and with an astonishing catholicity of interest. He
decided to go back into politics.
Donnelly found himself drawn to the nascent
Republicans, in no small part because of the fervor with which the new party
opposed slavery. In 1857 and again in 1858, he lost elections to the
territorial senate. In 1858, Minnesota was admitted to the Union, and
Donnelly’s career took off.
For the next four years, Donnelly’s career was remarkably like that of any other Republican congressman of the time, if a bit louder and more garish. After the war, he threw himself into the issues surrounding Reconstruction, and he worked on land- use matters that were important back home. He also haunted the Library of Congress, reading as omnivorously as ever. He began to ponder questions far from the politics of the day, although he took care to get himself reelected twice. Not long after his reelection in 1866, however, his feud with Ramsey exploded and left his political career in ruins, in no small part because Ignatius Donnelly could never bring himself to shut up.
It was no secret in Minnesota that Donnelly
had his eye on Ramsey’s seat in the Senate. It certainly was no secret to Ramsey,
who had long ago become fed up with Donnelly, and who was now enraged at his
rival’s scheming. One of Ramsey’s most influential supporters was a lumber
tycoon from Minneapolis, William Washburne, whose brother, Elihu, was a
powerful Republican congressman from Illinois. In March 1868, Donnelly wrote a
letter home to one of his constituents in which he railed against Elihu
Washburne’s opposition to a piece of
land-grant legislation.
On April 18, Congressman Washburne replied,
blistering Donnelly in the St. Paul Press. He called Donnelly “an office beggar,”
charged him with official corruption, and hinted ominously that he was hiding a
criminal past. In response, Donnelly went completely up the wall.
By modern standards, under which campaign
advisers can lose their jobs for calling the other candidate a “monster,” the
speech is inconceivable. Donnelly spoke for an hour. He ripped into all
Washburnes. He made merciless fun of Elihu Washburne’s reputation for fiscal
prudence and personal rectitude. Three times, the Speaker of the House tried to
gavel him to order. Donnelly went sailing on, finally reaching a crescendo of
personal derision that made the florid sentiments of “The Mourner’s Vision” read
like e. e. cummings.
“If there be in our
midst one low, sordid, vulgar soul . . . one tongue leprous with slander; one
mouth which is like unto a den of foul beasts giving forth deadly odors; if
there be one character which, while blotched and spotted all over, yet raves
and rants and blackguards like a prostitute; if there be one bold, bad, empty,
bellowing demagogue, it is the gentleman from Illinois.”
The resulting campaign was a brawl. The
Republican primary was shot through with violence. Ultimately, Ramsey County
found itself with two conventions in the same hall, which resulted in complete
chaos and one terrifying moment when the floor seemed ready to give way.
Donnelly lost the statewide nomination. He ran anyway and lost. By the winter
of 1880, after losing another congressional race, Donnelly lamented to his
diary, “My life had been a failure and a mistake.”
Donnelly went home to the big house in what
had been the city of Nininger. Although he would flit from one political cause
to another for the rest of his life, he spent most of his time thinking and
writing, and, improbably, making himself one of the most famous men in America.
During his time in Washington, on those long
afternoons when he played hooky from his job in the Congress, Donnelly had
buried himself in the booming scientific literature of the age, and in the
pseudoscientific literature--both fictional and purportedly not--that was its
inevitable by-product. Donnelly had fallen in love with the work of Jules
Verne, especially Twenty Thousand Leagues Under the Sea, which had been
published to great acclaim in 1870, and which features a visit by Captain Nemo
and his submarine to the ruins of a lost city beneath the waves. Donnelly
gathered an enormous amount of material and set himself to work to dig a legend
out of the dim prehistory. From the library in his Minnesota farmhouse, with
its potbellied stove and its rumpled daybed in one corner, Ignatius Donnelly
set out to fi nd Atlantis.
It was best known
from its brief appearances in Timaeus and Critias, two of Plato’s
dialogues. These were Donnelly’s jumping-off point. He proposed that the
ancient island had existed, just east of the Azores, at the point where the
Mediterranean Sea meets the Atlantic Ocean. He argued that Atlantis was the
source of all civilization, and that its culture had established itself
everywhere from Mexico to the Caspian Sea. The gods and goddesses of all the
ancient myths, from Zeus to Odin to Vishnu and back again, were merely the
Atlantean kings and queens. He credited Atlantean culture for everything from
Bronze Age weaponry in Europe, to the Mayan calendar, to the Phoenician
alphabet. He wrote that the island had vanished in a sudden cataclysm, but that
some Atlanteans escaped, spreading out across the world and telling the story
of their fate.
The book is a carefully crafted political
polemic. That Donnelly reached his conclusions before gathering his data is
obvious from the start, but his brief is closely argued from an impossibly
dense synthesis of dozens of sources. Using his research into underwater
topography, and using secondary sources to extrapolate Plato nearly to the
moon, Donnelly argues first that there is geologic evidence for an island’s
having once been exactly where Donnelly thought Atlantis had been. He then dips
into comparative mythology, arguing that flood narratives common to many
religions are derived from a dim memory of the events described by Plato. At
one point, Donnelly attributes the biblical story of the Tower of Babel to the
Atlanteans’ attempt to keep their heads literally above water.
He uses his research into anthropology and
history to posit a common source for Egyptian and pre-Columbian American culture. “All the converging lines of
civilization,” Donnelly writes, “lead to Atlantis. . . . The Roman civilization was simply a
development and perfection of the civilization possessed by all the European
populations; it was drawn from the common fountain of Atlantis.” Donnelly
connects the development of all civilization to Atlantis, citing the fact that Hindus
and Aztecs developed similar board games, and that all civilizations eventually
discover how to brew fermented spirits. The fourth part of the book is an
exercise in comparative mythology; Donnelly concludes by describing how the
Atlantean remnant fanned out across the world after their island sank. He rests
much of his case on recent archaeological works and arguing, essentially, that,
if we can find Pompeii, we can find Atlantis. “We are on the threshold,” he
exclaims. “Who shall say that one hundred years from now the great museums of
the world may not be adorned with gems, statues, arms and implements from Atlantis,
while the libraries of the world shall contain translations of its
inscriptions, throwing new light upon all the past history of the human race,
and all the great problems which now perplex the thinkers of our day!”
Harper & Brothers
in New York published Atlantis: The Antediluvian World in February 1882.
It became an overnight sensation. The book went through twenty-three editions in eight years, and a
revised edition was published as late as 1949. Donnelly corresponded on the
topic with William Gladstone, then the prime minister of England. Charles
Darwin also wrote, but only to tell Donnelly that he was somewhat skeptical,
probably because Donnelly’s theory of an Atlantean source for civilization
made a hash of Darwin’s theories. On the other hand, Donnelly also heard from a
distant cousin who was a bishop in Ireland. He deplored Donnelly’s blithe
dismissal of the biblical accounts of practically everything.
The popular press ate Donnelly up. (One
reviewer even cited Atlantis as reinforcing the biblical account of
Genesis, which showed at least that Donnelly’s work meant different things to
different people.) The St. Paul Dispatch, the paper that had stood for
him in his battles against Ramsey and the Washburnes, called Atlantis “one of
the notable books of the decade, nay, of the century.” Donnelly embarked on a
career as a lecturer that would continue until his death. He got rave reviews.
“A stupendous
speculator in cosmogony,” gushed the London Daily News. “One of the
most remarkable men of this age,” agreed the St. Louis Critic. And,
doubling down on both of them, the New York Star called Donnelly “the
most unique figure in our national history.”
Buy Now